A Fragile Mental State

I'm not really sure how to describe my mental state right now. Mort and I have our recognized show this weekend. We decided to stick with first level and keep things easy for Mort. Since we haven't travelled much in the last couple years with the trailering issues, I want the trips we do take to be easy. First level is something well within our wheelhouse. Schooling second at home and showing first is fine. It's not my second level goal, but it's been a really rough year with the property stuff. It's probably better for both of us. Speaking of travelling…. Mort and I took a very successful field trip at the beginning of July where Mort loaded fairly well with little drama Friday, Saturday (just for practice while we were there), and Sunday. He was calm and happy and I felt good about life. Mort and I hauled out for a lesson with my regular instructor the first weekend of August to get Mort off-property one more time before the show. We used my trailer instead of the barn owner's since it was just Mort going. He was a teeny bit slower getting on to leave, but soon decided it was fine. Good boy. We had a very successful and relaxing lesson. Mort was alert but calm for the whole field trip. Until it was time to get back on the trailer. He just wanted to stare off into the distance and ignore me. So I'd get him partway on with bribery then he'd decide he was done and wanted to stare again. He wasn't being dramatic, but he was paying about 50% attention to me and just didn't care to get on the trailer. We decided to up the ante and I added a dressage whip to the activity. When he would stare off he'd get tapped on the shoulder to get his attention back on me. This escalated things a bit. He kept swinging his body around the side. He'd tuck his chin to his chest and pull you along for the ride. He knows how big he is. He knows he can get away. He basically said "F*ck you" over and over again. He had dozens of soft moments where he'd give and step partway on the trailer. Well over an hour later, it was dark and we were running low on motivation. In a last-ditch attempt to not have to spend the night, I grabbed a handful of grain in a bucket. Mort walked right on. I'm not sure I've ever been so frustrated and relieved at the same time. Tuesday evening, the barn owner hooked up her trailer for us to practice on. I was nervous we'd have a repeat of Saturday but Mort hopped on three times with no issues. Saturday morning I went to practice again and could not get him on. I broke out the rope halter. I tried aggressive backing instead of the whip which I definitely liked better as he hated the backing but it didn't cause the situation to escalate. I eventually got him to a place where he'd walk forward a couple steps on the ramp before I would slowly back him down on purpose. I think he would have eventually gotten on with that, but the barn owner was hauling out for a lesson and needed her trailer. Here's to hoping he's back to getting on the next couple rounds of practice this week. So that's a big part of my mental state. I really hate not knowing how Mort is going to be on the trailer. I really hate that he didn't have the training at a young age that the halter is infallible. It's all a real struggle that the only way to fix is more and more practice and taking him places. But that's also what I want to avoid to not deal with all of the drama. Ugh. Part two of my mental state is just that I can't seem to get excited about the show. I'm not dreading it by any means, but I'm just so worn down this summer that my brain can't seem to focus in. (Definitely why just showing first level is the best idea.) I'm looking forward to a weekend filled with horses and horse friends, but my rides haven't been the best. Mort's been stiffer in his left jaw for longer into our rides which is causing me to fixate on it which is never the answer. We always end with him feeling good, but the rides have been longer and less focused than I like. I'm hoping to put in one completely loose rein/stretchy ride this week and one ride where he's soft and we just play with some transitions. I think Tuesday will be the transition ride that hopefully gets him soft and doesn't drag along (I know it's up to me but I suck lately). Thursday we'll focus on happy and loose and no pressure to maybe "reset" us some before the show. Hopefully my list-making and show prep will get me more excited and focused for this weekend. Hopefully Mort gets on the dang trailer. Hopefully we both have a fun and relaxing weekend at the show.

Weekend Activities

After an exhausting (and exciting) weekend of putting up fence posts and filling my barn with hay for the winter, I headed out to ride Mort Sunday evening. My hands were sore and blistered. My legs were tired and covered in bruises and scrapes. I honestly don't know where I found the motivation to ride. The barn owner had left her truck and trailer hooked up for us to practice. I grabbed a couple treats and the bruised apple from home and headed out there with Mort. I haven't worked on loading since our field trip the first weekend of July (how has July already come and gone?). In spite of me losing track of time and not practicing, Mort loaded well. I'm happy to have finally found a method that seems to work well with him. I give him a moment at the end of the ramp. I ask for a step forward, reward. I ask for a step forward, reward. I ask him to back. Then he usually hops on the whole way in the next time or two when I ask for the forward. Basically, he gets rewarded a lot. We keep it calm and easy. And most importantly, I stay in charge of when he's going forward and backward. I got him on after just a couple forward and backward steps. He got to eat half of the apple. We backed off one step at a time (earning a treat or two along the way). I asked him to step back on and he walked right up for the second half of the apple. We loaded again after our ride and I let him eat a bucket of soaked alf cubes. I'm glad we got one last round of practice in before we take a short, local field trip again this weekend. After a quick grooming, I was on and working on loosening up. I asked Mort to bend and supple into contact at the walk before trotting. This is different than normal. I wanted to address our suppleness issues since we have been doing well with the forward issues. I went into trot thinking the same thing. I'm honestly not sure it was the right decision. I put him on the circle and tried to do some bend and counter-bend and he just wanted to get stuck behind my leg. I wandered around trying to find the suppleness then ask for forward. Sometimes he would do both, but a lot of the time he thought he could only handle one at a time. I did some quick canter transitions in a row to get him in a more forward state of mind and that did the trick. We did lose some of the suppleness, but at least now when I was asking for it he didn't try to putter out. I did the bend/counter-bend, leg yield exercise from our lesson both directions. He got better in the contact again. It's so interesting to me that our "harder" direction gets so much better while our "better" direction only gets a little better. They always say that the less supple direction is actually the stronger direction and Mort definitely proves that to be true. We also worked on our canter transitions. It was clear in the lesson that Mort doesn't come back to me quickly enough during/after a downward, so I wanted to work on that. At first I started off just sticking to the 20-meter circle. Then when I needed more I would ask for him to come back to trot and immediately do a 10-meter circle. It helped me make sure I was actually riding the transition and it gave him a reason to come back and give me control of his outside. I started tracking right--our more supple but less powerful way. It was "meh" I had some really nice transitions where we'd start off nicely, but when I went back out to the 20-meter circle it would fall apart and I'd lose the outside shoulder. It wasn't terrible, but it didn't feel "on" either. After a quick break, we went the other direction. After just a couple transitions he was on it. He was forward, soft, and between my legs. Much praise was bestowed upon my smart boy. I went back the other direction and it had improved as well. My last exercise was walk/trot transitions on the circle. I wanted him to stay off my inside leg and stay soft in my hands while staying prompt. I started in posting trot and couldn't quite get all of those boxes ticked. I went to sitting trot and he would give me all of those, but I lost some of the forward. So I went back to posting and we got everything I was looking for. I did several each direction and he was a good boy. I ended the ride with some walk work. We did small figure eights and serpentines in both true bend and counter bend. I threw in one back-up where he was a champ. We're a little slow to warm-up these days but I know that's 100% my fault. If I get out there to ride him more often, he comes out expecting and wanting to play dressage horse. But if I leave him to his own devices for a few days, I've got to do some more convincing. It's just a crazy busy summer and he lives far enough away that if it's after five, it doesn't make much sense to drive out there. Hopefully he'll be at the property in just a couple short months though! And thank goodness he's getting proper turnout and he staying calm in spite of me not being able to ride as often as I'd like.

Lesson Recap

Mort and I finally had another lesson with my regular instructor on Tuesday. We discussed how I wanted to try for second level this fall. I basically think that I have all of the pieces for second one, I just need to get them more consistent and be able to string them together. She set up cones for me to work on my accuracy. It was a 20-meter circle with cones in the middle for a 10-meter circle. We started off as we usually do walking, stopping, and moving off my leg without worrying about contact. I picked up trot and he set right off. And folks, we have officially graduated from worrying about forward, because there were several times where she wanted us to slow down and take our time. It's great to hear about new issues because it means we're at least fixing part one of this million part process we call dressage. The barn owner was awesome enough to video for me, so I could see exactly what she was talking about. Mort was forward, but his legs were going so quickly that he didn't have enough time to get a full stride in. We want his hind legs quick off the ground but slow in the air. As the warm-up went along, she talked about how I needed to be more insistent that he get supple and round and soften his jaws. We worked on that some both directions (but especially tracking left). He's definitely giving me some awesome moments, and we are getting better, but he still has the tendency to go above the bit and get stiff if something doesn't go according to his plan. It's easier to do when we're moving about everywhere in the arena, riding on feel and adjusting as needed. It was harder on the same 20-meter circle (admittedly good for us though). We worked on transitions and getting him to stay supple through them. His canter is so much nicer than trot. I can adjust it and move him so much easier with little resistance. The trot is rougher, but it's coming along slowly. We threw in a few 10-meter canter circles each direction and he handled them really well. I want a bit more lift and jump of course, but we're certainly capable. After a walk break, she had us do a trot exercise on the circle that really helped us with connection and suppleness. It's definitely one that I’ve already gone back to. Start off on a 20-meter circle in true bend Do a full 20-meter circle in counter bend Leg yield in to a 10-meter circle (still in counter bend) Make sure the shoulders and hind-end move in at the same rate and you're not just falling in Do a full 10-meter circle in counter bend Do a full 10-meter circle in true bend Make sure you don't let the shoulders drift and you keep your track Leg yield out to a 20-meter circle in true bend Make sure the shoulders and hind-end move out at the same rate and you're not just falling out Repeat as needed It's a nice exercise where the exercise challenges the horse and you get to be the good guy helping the horse out. Mort does well with these types of exercises, because he sometimes needs to be convinced to look to me for support and guidance. We started off tracking left. I wasn't super precise on doing only one time around the circle before changing something. I rode him until I found what I was looking for then I'd pick the next set of cones to transition. So we were still accurate, but less strict. We made it through twice and the change was excellent. He was happily maintaining contact and was soft and supple. After a short break, we tackled tracking right. The true bend was easier but Mort struggled a bit at first with the 10-meter circle in counter bend. I switched my whip and he figured it out after a couple rounds. The second time we got back to that, he was much better. Even though this direction was harder, the change in his willingness to be soft with me was really nice. We ended after our second round with stretchy trot and I could easily steer him with my legs and kept him soft. Good boy. We're loosely planning for a field trip to the instructor's barn this month. It'll be a fun weekend boot camp and it's always good to get Mort out and about. The facility has nice indoors where we can hopefully hone in on some of those second level movements.

Unorganized Update

A very quick and poorly laid-out update on the last week with Mort. Mort has been sound all week. We did our first w/t/c ride last Sunday and he felt great. He has continued to feel totally sound all week. I kept the first few rides pretty easy as 2 weeks off plus 1 week of walk means that we lost some of our fitness. We're also a touch rusty on our training. I'm already feeling that come back though, so I'm sure we'll be back on track soon. I'm just so happy that he's sound and comfortable again. He's also just started his new supplement regime, so hopefully the added joint support will do the trick to prolong the next injection. Mort and I also went on our first off-property adventure this weekend. All the horses were turned out during the fireworks last week, but the neighbors put on a ridiculously extravagant show right next to the barn, so the barn owner moves them to another farm for the night. It makes sure the horses don't think they're in a war zone and it was a great opportunity to get Mort out without show stress. He was a perfect gentleman. He loaded to leave with no issues other than a few moments hesitation. We practiced loading that afternoon after our ride with similar results. Then he loaded up to go home on Sunday with no real issues. I'm so happy with how far his confidence has come--especially on the trailer with the steepest ramp! Mort settled into his stall in all of five minutes. He would call back to the other horses calling occasionally, but he was eating and relaxing through it all. He was calm and easy going for leading and grooming. He was a bit uncertain about the wash rack on Saturday, but walked right in on Sunday. We rode in a busy arena on Saturday. Mort wanted to be a bit glued to his new girlfriend, but other than that he was calm and behaved. We're still not back to where we were before his lameness, but we're getting there. He was well-behaved and we were able to start off on a loose rein immediately. Sunday, I opted for a lesson. Everyone has been telling me how great the instructor at this barn is (and it's the barn owner's regular instructor). We were there anyway. And I figured it would be a better ride if Mort wasn't riding at the same time as his girlfriend. It was a hectic arena at first, but did quiet down and in the end we had the place to ourselves. I was a bit nervous to lesson with someone new since my last lesson with someone other than my regular instructor was so "bleh". But this was a dressage instructor and she had glowing reviews. She let us do our own thing for our warm-up, so I was able to canter him before getting to the real work. With it being crowded, it wasn't quite our normal warm-up, but it sufficed. I told her we were somewhere between first and second with the goal of showing second by this fall. We played with some shoulder-in. She caught me on not riding accurately (both corners and circles). This is definitely a trap that I've allowed myself to fall into with the giant 150 x 250 arena at the barn. It has no fences and no corners so I don't ride accurately. I'm going to try to set up some poles as corners this week to work on that some. Overall, his shoulder-in was fine once I kept him on the rain with half-halts on the outside rein. Then she asked about haunches-in. I told her that we'd been working on them in the walk, but hadn't tackled them beyond that. We started in the walk and she fixed some of where I was placing his front end. We went back and forth in my body position from straight to haunches-in to see how Mort reacted. He was good, if a bit tight in the jaw and struggling with bend. He certainly did his best though. If I let him get away with a tiny little sitting trot, we could keep the haunches-in OK. When I asked for a bigger trot, things got less smooth. So I need to experiment with that some. I'm not sure why I had been putting off doing it in trot, but I'm glad she asked us to do it. We finally touched a bit on canter transitions. He's often a bit behind my leg for these, so she had us experiment with leg yielding in on a circle, back out, then asking for the canter. Our final canter transition was a lot smoother than normal, so that's homework as well. She said to try it in both walk and trot and I should get good results. Other than that, she reminded me a few times to keep myself centered and aligned. Those are always good reminders and something that is a constant work-in-progress. She also said that Mort needed to be rounder. He definitely was tighter in the jaw than we had been before our time off, so I think that will come back with time and fitness. Overall I was really happy with Mort's effort. I was happy with the things she said during our lesson. I think I'll plan to join the barn owner for another adventure up there sometime. She goes just about every week, so it should be easy to tag along on one of the trips. Mort was a champ. I am so happy he is back to his steady self. I'm so happy that I moved him, even though the commute sucks. He was calm enough that I could have had Steven handle him and that's always the goal for my horse's behavior. Now we get back into shape mentally and physically. I get another couple lessons with my instructor. I take Mort for another lesson with this instructor to get him off property again. Then hopefully this fall we'll be ready to rock-and-roll second level.

Mort Update

We did a lameness exam last Tuesday. Mort had some slight pain in his hocks and right stifle. The vet thought that our culprit was most likely the stifle due to the way he was moving. We blocked it and he trotted sound on the lunge. She thought we should inject it and see if it fixed our issues. She thinks/hopes the hock issues were being caused by the stifle being sore. Mort's joint injection was Friday morning. He had the weekend off and we'll do a couple walk rides this week before starting to get back to normal this weekend. Hopefully the injection did the trick and he'll be back to his normal old self. I'm nervous but cautiously optimistic. I spent the weekend being a braider, reader, and overall helper at the dressage show at Rio with friends. The weather went from awful to nice and back to awful several times over three days. There were definitely times I was almost glad that I wasn't showing. But it was a fun weekend overall. Everyone improved throughout the weekend and put in some solid rides. Here's to Mort being sound for the next one!

Bad News

Well, last night was very disappointing. Mort was lame. This obviously means we're not going to the show next weekend. But more importantly, it means we're probably dealing with something more serious than a stone bruise. They don't generally get better and then worse again. I'm still hoping for something simple in the hoof, but my mind is wandering to the soft tissue possibilities. Of course, it could still be joint as well. I sent the vet a text yesterday evening to set-up a lameness exam.

Goal Check-in

Checking in on my goals now that we're halfway through the year. Riding-Related: Show 2nd Level This could go either way but I'm putting it out there for the universe to know about it I semi-seriously considered showing 2nd at the show in June, but Mort's lameness nixed that. I do think if we keep on track that we'll definitely be there for the fall shows. Establish half-pass in trot and canter Within this is haunches-in in trot and canter as well I have not worked on this enough, though it's getting more consistent at the walk Be able to pick Mort up from a loose rein walk and have him "there" for me We were doing super with this! Lately it's been mediocre because I think I'm trying too hard. Still a work in progress. Develop Mort's medium/extended trot and canter This is coming along nicely. Develop a more relaxed "back-up" I need to do this more. He's always surprised by the first try, but then remembers what I'm asking for and does OK Establish a walking turn-on-haunches We've played with some really big ones, but I want to actually tackle them under the eye of my instructor Develop a more even seat Forever a work in progress Have more control over which seat bone carries more weight AKA: don't allow Mort's body to dictate my seat as much Getting more aware, but will probably always be a work in progress Develop more consistent hands AKA: an even feel of his mouth on both sides, not allowing one hand to become lazy Getting better, but will probably always be a work in progress Get better about the release of aids so that Mort can become lighter off of them All these rider goals are going to continue to be works in progress, but as long as I'm working on them that's what counts Don't allow myself to get frustrated I'm definitely a lot better about this than I was last year. Have my instructor out for 6 (or more) lessons She's been out for three and I'll have her out when Mort is sound again as I had to cancel a lesson for this week. I've also taken a lesson with another instructor. Attend 2 clinics Ideally as a rider, but auditor will also be acceptable This one has been rough. I was signed up for one, but it got cancelled. I was invited to another but it's the same weekend as the show (and now Mort's lame anyway). It's still on the list of things to do. Attend 2 shows Zero so far. The hope was June, September, and November--now maybe just September and November or I'll look for another schooling show. Horse-Related: Get Mort consistent about loading with a ramp I want Mort to calmly walk onto all three trailers that I have access This has happened! I haven't actually taken him anywhere, but he'll happily load on every trailer right now. Get our property horse ready Still a work in progress, but we've got 1.75 stalls built and most of the run-in. We've done major repairs to the old barn and purchased all/most of the fencing. Non Horse-Related: Run 2 half-marathons Ran my first one this past weekend! Run 6-8 miles/day 3-4 times/week This isn't happening, but I am at least running 3-4 days/week. I do have a new workout schedule for June-August. My body needs me to change things up and not just do long runs. Lose 5lbs And learn how to maintain that weight Well I'm certainly good at maintaining, but I haven't gotten those last 5lbs yet. I'm hoping the change in my exercise routine will help this. Work hard on getting our house built and working on our property Working hard on this all the time. My life is a tad stressful right now, that's for sure. We're supposed to break ground next week. Plant a small vegetable garden It's planted. It may not grow a single veggie, but there are some plants and they're alive for now.