Letting Go

We had our first lesson in ages last night. It was someone who I have known for several years who just moved back to the area. She's very practical and down-to-earth while also being knowledgeable. She's a slow and steady trainer who doesn't resort to harsh methods, but also admits that training isn't always the prettiest picture. I was excited when she said she was coming back to the area and was happy to finally have scheduled a lesson with her.

It was her first time meeting Mort, so we did what she calls a "systems check" lesson. She wanted to assess where we were and what we needed to work on. I filled her in with our struggles in inconsistency and tension.

Let's go over the "systems" that we checked:

Walk on loose rein: check

Bend while maintaining walking forward: check

Move sideways off leg: check

Maintain bend on a circle with the hind leg crossing under: check

Trot on a loose rein: check

Bend while maintaining trotting forward: check inconsistently

Maintain bend on a circle with the hind leg crossing under: check inconsistently

So, we started there. I can maintain all of these things on a regular ride, but she wasn't letting me hold him together for it. She wanted him to maintain his suppleness and bend and forward without me micromanaging every stride. Rough.

It was probably a pretty ugly lesson to watch, and it certainly wasn't too physically hard. But it was really, really hard for me to let go like that. I know that he'll get fast or crooked or upside-down. I apparently don't trust my training of him listening to my legs and seat. I know he's not going to run off or get dangerous, but it's hard for me to deal with the mistakes when if I micromanage I know that I can prevent them.

But it's probably my micromanaging that causes a lot of our other issues. If I don't let him make mistakes and learn how to take care of his own body he'll never learn how to take care of himself--you know--for self-carriage. If I don't quit shutting him down when he gets off balance and/or doesn't listen to my leg he'll get less and less forward on his own. It all makes sense and I totally agree, but goodness gracious that was hard for me to actually execute. When Mort would rush or get crooked or tense it took almost all of my strength (and the instructor in my ear) to not gather him up and fix everything.

We had decent moments. We worked on slowly gathering him up while maintaining the suppleness and him asking to stretch down. Anytime he'd lose the suppleness we'd abandon everything but that. I was allowed to half-halt and direct with my seat but the only thing I was allowed to do with my hands was soften his jaw and ask for bend.

At the end of the lesson I actually did let go. I sat up, looked up, and let him be directed with strong, but loose legs and seat. Holy crap if he actually listened and moved forward in a lovely and balanced stretchy trot. He stayed on the track better than he had the whole time when I was trying to make him. Instead of falling in, he went softly between my legs. Apparently I have trained him to listen but now I'm stuck micromanaging him because I have no confidence in my training or in his ability to take care of himself (because I've never given him the chance to learn how to).

No crazy new exercises. Nothing fancy. I just need to let go and trust the foundation that I've given him. I need to let go and let us make mistakes and get ugly. I need to not rely so much on the outside rein to balance him. So for the next week or two or three or however long it takes, that is all that I will be working on. He needs to be forward on his own. He gets to get unbalanced and figure out his own body. I have to let go and just focus on me riding correctly and getting out of his way.

My plan is a lot of loose rein work. Big figure eights. Slowly picking him up and letting him back down, but only actually following through with the picking up if he can maintain his suppleness through it. I need to stop "fixing" the suppleness via more complicated exercises that force him to be supple and make sure that the suppleness is a part of everything. I know it's going to be really hard for me and my OCD nature but I will do my best and hopefully we can struggle through it. I also want to focus a bit more on forward; when I ask for trot or canter I need to let him. Again, it's all about letting him make mistakes. Hopefully as we get more and more supple he'll be able to make less and less.

The work won't be that complicated but my little brain might explode. Wish me luck.