A Matter of Trust

Mort was good for me in our training work on Friday and yesterday. I wanted to reward him by keeping the training part short but that left me wanting to still work on some fitness. Back when we had easy access to trails, I would have adventured with him on those (hopefully we can get a loop established on our property someday). But now we're near town and I'm not adventuring on a major road. So instead, I let him have a hand gallop.

We didn't go for all that long and he probably didn't gain all that much fitness. But it gets his heart rate and breathing up and it puts a pep in his step. It's fun for both of us. I do of course end the ride with lots of walking to make sure that he doesn't revert to a total racehorse.

But the point of this post isn't to talk about our training, but our trust.

For the first 6-8 months of our relationship, I didn't trust Mort. We didn't know each other and he was tense and spooky. He wasn't bad, but we were both new to each other and he was in the totally different world of being a sporthorse versus a racehorse. So we slowly worked our way toward trusting each other. We started to explore trails. He started to enjoy being on a loose rein. He got a little self-confidence and our confidence in each other grew.

Fast forward a couple years and he was a horse I'd trust with almost anyone. We'd traveled to clinics and shows where he was a champ. Steven would graze him while I cleaned stalls or hose him while I changed out of show clothes. I let my sister ride him, which was her first time on a horse in over a decade. She was nervous at first but quickly realized that he was a horse who wasn't going to do something stupid out of the blue. I could go on vacation for a week and hop on him bareback for a hack along the gravel road.

We knew each other and had confidence that we were both there to take care of each other.

Then from 2.5 years to 3.5 years Mort and I were at a barn that was close to home but eventually showed that it wasn't a good fit for us. The trust that we had slowly got chipped away.

I didn't notice it at first. I would still hop on him after a day off without trepidation. In my mind he was still the easy-going horse. All horses spook sometimes. All horses have bad days. All horses have issues. He was still my Mort.

The incidences were infrequent at first. Maybe the barn owner had a hard time with leading him outside and he got pushy. He pulled back in the cross ties and broke a halter…and then another and another. I stopped tying him in the wash rack because he'd more often than not be nervous. I stopped riding him bareback without a second thought…then I basically stopped riding bareback all together. I started getting nervous if he'd had more than one day off from riding. He stopped only being pushy with the barn owner and started being pushy with me. I would rarely start a ride on a loose rein.

It's so obvious now that we should have never gone to that barn. But in spite of all of the red flags that I've just admitted to, there were still so many good days where we'd walk the gravel roads and the pasture behind the arena with confidence. It wasn't immediate, but I did see it before I did anything about it. I didn't want to admit to myself that Mort wasn't the same. The barn was close to home and they weren't doing anything glaringly wrong to cause Mort's behavior. When I finally started to realize it wasn't the best for Mort I thought we could wait until he moved to our property. That was selfish and I deeply regret it.

It's been almost exactly two months since I've moved Mort and it feels like a lifetime. I asked Mort to hand gallop on Friday without a second thought. I not only trusted that he would take care of us, but that it would be fun. I don't find myself stressing out when he's had a day off (or a week when the weather was still horrible). I don't keep myself awake at night worrying about his mental health or whether he's being pushy to the barn owner. I've ridden him bareback again and all of our rides start on a loose rein walk.

Just like with losing our trust, I didn't fully notice it being built back up again. For some reason, the desire to go fast on him again helped click it into place. I don't think we're back to 100% from where we were; there are a few scars that will take a little longer to heal. But I do trust my horse again and in trusting him again, only now do I realize how much that I didn't trust him before. I trust him and I trust that we'll continue on the path toward where we were--and beyond.

It was hard for me to write this post. Putting it down here is the first time I'm going to admit it to anyone other than myself. I don't blame the barn, and I definitely blame myself. We live and learn and thankfully Mort is forgiving.

Working on Our Homework

I came back from my quick vacation to Wellington feeling motivated and refreshed, so I've got a bit of a game plan heading into summer. Mort and I are going to a clinic the second weekend of May. This means that we've got to be back in shape and working together by then. It also means buddy boy has to be more reliable about trailering. So most of my game plan involves those two things.

In our last lesson a couple weeks ago Mort was so behind my leg that my instructor basically told me that we should go back and start from scratch. He was out of shape and weak behind so he couldn't carry himself properly. I had been letting him be lazy the last few months because I thought it was better than an explosive alternative, so he also developed a bit of an issue about being forward. I'm glad that she has seen us on our good days because I would have been even more embarrassed if the Mort she saw was the only example she had of us.

She also worked with him in-hand a bit to see what our trailering issues were. He basically didn't respect her space or trust her as someone who could help him. He's also just plain scared of the trailer. So we got a lot of homework there as well.

The next two rides after that lesson were forward boot camp. If he even thought about getting behind my leg, I'd follow up with a tap from the whip. It didn't take long before Mort remembered how to move forward with me quietly asking. I think I smacked him twice in ride one and just had to wave the whip once in ride two.

The next couple rides addressed him ignoring the sideways portion of my leg. I put on a pair of spurs for back-up. In between the focusing on forward, I'd occasionally ask for a step sideways. I'd start by asking with my calf followed by the spur if he didn't listen. This one is harder for him mentally and physically, so it's going to be a slower process than re-installing forward. I'm just trying to be very specific when I ask so that there is no confusion. I double check how I'm sitting and where I'm placing my legs. I make sure that I'm not holding with my hands, and I just ask for a simple step off my leg.

The first ride just involved me asking him to move a few times each direction--two of those times were at the halt to really keep things simple in his head. The second ride involved checking to make sure he remembered moving a single step sideways then evolved into a few short leg yields each direction at the walk. He was doing well, so I asked for a single step sideways at the trot a time or two as well.

After the first ride after my lesson I started to quietly ask for suppleness again as well. At first I started with just one rein and it would evolve into both reins as he responded positively. I'm trying to be really consistent with keeping my hands on either side of his withers. I don't want to allow myself to do too much of an opening rein and I definitely don't want to allow myself to get sucked into the indirect rein trap. He has been giving me really nice moments of suppleness and connection, especially tracking right.

Our last ride was with the whole group at the barn. As I've discussed before, Mort is easily distracted when his friends are out there. So it was a more simple ride. He was still very forward but we didn't have much else. So, instead of worrying that everyone else was watching, I just worked with what I had. I asked for forward and I'd ask for suppleness. He didn't want to give it to me as he had been in our solo rides. That's OK. We did several short, loose rein walk breaks. I finally got some decent suppleness doing some figure eights at the trot. I stopped. I asked for a single step sideways at the walk and we just walked around on the loose rein until he was cooled off.

I'm glad that I didn't get sucked into trying to pull him back down into reality. I'm glad that I was ok with dropping the sideways back down because that's really hard for me mentally. I used the figure eights and turning to work on him wanting to counter-bend and go toward his friends. He kept his forward and we ended well.

I read a quote from Denny Emerson this past week that really resonated with me. It basically broke down that in training, you don't feel a lot of success in any particular ride. You find a good place to stop long before it becomes drilling. But eventually, all of these non-eventful rides will add up to success--months and years down the road. You don't feel it day-to-day but you see it looking back at where you've come from. I'm hoping to keep this in mind if I start to want to drill and get greedy asking for "one more time".

So this is where Mort and I are in our riding right now. It'll come back quickly since it's all in there and I can still feel it sometimes. I'm sure I could be asking for more now that I've got the forward back, but I don't want to get stuck in the same trap as we got stuck in this winter. His fitness has to be established first so that it's fair to ask him for more.

Our in-hand homework is as follows:

He needs to move off pressure

If I put a finger to his neck I want his whole body to step sideways

If I put a finger behind his girth area I want his hind end to move sideways

He needs to not get into my space

He gets backed up if he crowds me

He needs to focus on me as a "leader"

We're working on standing in the aisle for grooming and tacking without being tied

He has to focus on me all the time and gets moved back into place if he steps forward

He needs to walk forward toward me when asked

I stand in front of him at the end of the lead rope and ask him to step forward toward me

If he steps forward before I ask, he gets backed up a step

I'm being very specific about how I handle him. We spend at least 10-15 minutes every time I'm out there working on our homework by the trailer. Saturday we hooked it up and I practiced asking him to move his body toward it. We worked on getting him to step toward me while I was standing on it. He put his front feet on several times and I would ask for a step backward, then a step forward. That was fairly successful. He does get treats occasionally while we work on the ground--particularly for stepping to me when asked.

He definitely understands what I want on the ground now. He's very good at the different tasks. I don't know that he sees me as a "leader" but he's at least thinking about me a little more. I'm hoping to continue to do the forward and back commands on the trailer a lot over the next few weeks before our clinic. Hopefully him focusing on the exercise will help us get on the trailer.

Trust the Process

I set up cones last night to work on accurate serpentines and circles. I figured if we were going to do a lot of figures that they might as well not be all over the place.

We warmed up on a loose rein walk. I slowly started to encourage contact and bend with just the inside rein. He didn't protest too much because that also meant he could fall out on that outside shoulder some. We did some loose rein trot around the edge and some large figure eights. He was happy and forward and listening to my legs and seat to turn but wanting to fall on that inside shoulder.

I picked him up for the cones. He was really messy and upside-down but we did get a little better as I stuck with it. I wish that I had placed the cones further apart because I think it was maybe a 15-meter circle instead of a 20-meter. I didn't account for how short my stride was when I walked it out. Good thing I'm not a h/j rider who places jumps regularly. I had some decent connection to the right but wasn't really getting what I wanted to the left.

I did some canter. His canter is really nice. I've been trying to play a bit with adjustability again and he's doing well. I'm trying to really be aware of my seat and hands. He still wants to overbend on the right lead but we're getting better about counter bend and counter canter that direction which is helping tremendously. The counter bend really helps rock him back on his hind-end as well.

In between some of the canter work I threw in more trot. It was messy and above the bit and tense. It was also on the bit and relaxed and forward. Our walk wanted to be tense and behind the bit and sticky, but not for too terribly long. We ended with some really nice forward, straight, bending, reaching trot both directions. I also ended with some relaxed, reaching straight, bending walk both directions. It was a longer ride and Mort was sweaty but I don't think he was struggling at the end physically or mentally.

I am (yet again) finding it hard to "trust the process" because whenever anything is less than ideal I assume that I'm doing something wrong. Basically, I don't know when to trust the process and when to readjust my training because this is my first time trying to bring a horse up the levels. For right now, I'm just trying to be consistent and patient and trust it. Mort understands and is capable of moving off my leg, bending, accepting contact, and all of the things that I'm currently asking of him. So for now, I'm trying to trust it.

I'm just quietly sitting up there when he wants to avoid contact. I'm trying to keep it consistent and soft and not cross my inside rein over his neck. I'm making sure he keeps trotting or walking and asking for more when it feels good. So far, he's better at the end of each ride so I'm hoping that means we're on the right track. I'm also planning for a lesson this weekend if the weather holds out to make sure I can trust myself to trust the process.

Spring is in the Air

Guys, I think spring is finally and actually here in Missouri. The grass is starting to show signs of growth, flowers are starting to pop out of the ground, and the redbuds are blooming. It's been sunny and (relatively) warm. Most importantly, both Mort and Emma are starting their spring shedding. I think we're all ready for this never-ending winter to be over.

Friday was a bit windy, but I was definitely going to deal with it and ride. Mort started out a bit 'up' but settled quickly. I can tell that he's not used to riding with other horses anymore. He behaves fine, but has a magnetic shoulder toward his friends and wants to speed up or slow down depending on which direction we're heading. I'm glad that I'm riding with the other barn folks so that we can work on this at home instead of a show. (It's also fun to get social hour at the barn for me.)

Both Friday's and Saturday's rides had similar themes. If I let Mort go around on a long rein he was happy and decently forward. If I wanted to work on contact or pick him up beyond long-and-low he'd get fussy in his mouth and start to lean into my leg and fall on his inside shoulder. I, of course, then got picky with my hands and stiffer in my hips which caused him to get sticky and slow. If I stuck us on a figure eight or circled I could get his body where I wanted and wrangle his outside shoulder, but as soon as I went off along the edge or to straighten we'd struggle again.

The rides weren't as bad as they probably were in my mind and I should have just focused on the figure eights and serpentines and circles and worked on the things that we were successful in, but I'm the worst so I did some of that and then got frustrated when he wasn't perfect. Meanwhile, I was crooked and tense because of that which further caused him to be unable to do what I was asking. My poor horse. But, while I may be the worst I'm not a total idiot so I went out with a different plan on Sunday. I was going to do figures and ride bareback. I find that riding bareback prevents me from being able to get stiff and uneven with my seat. 

We started off in a really lovely and loose walk, but we had the same issues that we'd been having the last couple rides. If I let him trot around on the buckle he was happy and relaxed and listening to my legs and seat. If I went to pick him up he'd get upside-down or sticky or fall into my leg. I basically ignored the fact that he was getting upside-down and putting his head in the air. I worked on him getting sticky by throwing in a handful of canter transitions to get him more in front of my leg. Then we settled in for figure eight boot camp to get him moving off of my leg.

At first we stayed in the trot and I'd just barely touch the inside rein to soften that jaw. I was moving his body with my legs and seat (so these figure eights were decidedly not perfectly shaped). After he was really listening well to that and yielding off my inside leg when I asked I started throwing in trot/walk/trot transitions. I'd walk in the middle for a couple strides, ask for trot and turn into the new circle at the same time. He started off a bit wobbly and with his head in the air, but got better quickly. Eventually I got to a point where he was really moving off my legs and he was OK with contact again. We moved on to serpentines with even quicker success.

After a walk break, we hopped back into working. I tried some bigger leg yield squares. I'd ask him for a leg yield tail-to-the-rail then do a trotting turn-on-the-forehand around the corner into another leg yield tail-to-the-rail. He hated it at first because it was hard, but he did get better and better at it. Until I finally had a decent connection (especially to the right) and he was moving off of my legs as I asked, turning as I asked, and keeping a steady trot. I'd have liked the trot to be bigger and more powerful, but it wasn't sticky so I was OK with it.

We ended the ride with some walk alternating between loose rein and quietly picking him up. He wanted to be tense a time or two, but the majority of the end walk work was good.

Neither of us are 100% focused or fit right now with so much time off and it's really showing. I, as the human, need to continue to slowly bring him back. I'm planning for a lot of long-and-low, a lot of figures, and a little bit of work on a higher contact. I've just got to be patient and hold myself accountable in spite of being overly excited that it's spring and I can ride again.

2019 Goals

You know the weather was bad in January and February when I'm starting to think about my 2019 goals in March.

Riding-Related:

• Show 2nd Level
• This could go either way but I'm putting it out there for the universe to know about it
• Establish half-pass in trot and canter
• Within this is haunches-in in trot and canter as well
• Be able to pick Mort up from a loose rein walk and have him "there" for me
• Develop Mort's medium/extended trot and canter
• Develop a more relaxed "back-up"
• Establish a walking turn-on-haunches

• Develop a more even seat
• Have more control over which seat bone carries more weight
• AKA:  don't allow Mort's body to dictate my seat as much
• Develop more consistent hands
• AKA:  an even feel of his mouth on both sides, not allowing one hand to become lazy
• Get better about the release of aids so that Mort can become lighter off of them
• Don't allow myself to get frustrated
• Have my instructor out for 6 (or more) lessons
• Attend 2 clinics
• Ideally as a rider, but auditor will also be acceptable
• Attend 2 shows

Horse-Related:

• Get Mort consistent about loading with a ramp
• I want Mort to calmly walk onto all three trailers that I have access to
• Several of my other goals will rely upon this one
• Get our property horse ready

Non Horse-Related:

• Run 2 half-marathons
• Run 6-8 miles/day 3-4 times/week
• Lose 5lbs
• And learn how to maintain that weight
• Work hard on getting our house built and working on our property
• Plant a small vegetable garden

Some of these seem pretty reasonable and some seem like I'm trying to jam too much into what is going to be a very busy year. We'll see what happens. The whole point of this journal/blog is so that I can track our progress--even if that means I don't progress as much as I want.

Winter Updates

Well folks, it's been quite a winter here in Missouri. It's basically either been wet or frozen since early January, so Mort and I haven't had quite the progress that I was hoping for but I thought I'd update you all on where we are right now and what we've been working on. I went back and read my last blog post from the end of November and I'm happy to report that we're at a better place in our training and relationship than we were then.

From our schooling show in November

I'd been struggling with Mort connecting to his outside shoulder while tracking left. This issue is LOADS better. I can consistently get him to connect both in a long-and-low frame and a higher frame with just an easy half-halt on that outside rein. A lot of this comes down to a lesson that I had in early January where she addressed that I need to sit a hair more on my inside seat bone so that I'm not leaning to the outside. It was like magic.

Unfortunately, in getting better tracking left I'm noticing that we don't have a truly good connection tracking right. I don't think it's gotten worse; I just think the major improvements tracking left have left tracking right behind. We spent a lot of December and January doing a bunch of changes of direction. These really help me gather his hind-end and shoulders where I need them to be and keep him thinking that we might change direction at any time so that he's more willing to listen to my half-halts. In our lesson in early January, my instructor commented that he was looking more even than she'd ever seen him and that we were certainly on the right track.

We haven't done a ton of work in the canter. We work on transitions and we've been working on bend and counter-bend to help with the straightness--especially on the right lead. As spring (hopefully) comes I plan to work more on transitions, developing more jump in the canter, and continue to develop a better counter-canter. I also want to focus on my seat to make sure I'm weighting the correct seat-bone. I want to make sure my outside leg is helping him turn and that I don't hold too tight with either leg. And I finally want to make sure that my hands are following and encouraging an even connection, even as they go higher with more collection.

On the days where the footing has been questionable we've been playing with a ton of lateral work at the walk. This is really important to us as it's where he likes to get tense and we stuck not going forward. He's getting better about coming back to me when I pick him up from a loose rein and he's certainly really starting to understand lateral work. We've done everything from side-pass and leg yield to shoulder-in and half-pass. He allows me to manipulate his body into haunches-in and half-pass regularly now. He can't hold either for too long yet, but he understands it.

Mort and I had been riding 4-6 days/week as the weather permitted. He has held his weight and fitness well. As the weather got worse, so did Mort's spookiness and behavior issues. The lack of real turnout has been a problem since we moved last winter, but until the bad weather this winter I had been able to somewhat combat it with regular riding. Unfortunately, the less I rode and he got turned out the worse he got. This isn't surprising, but there are simply not a lot of boarding options near me.

In late January, a semi-local dressage rider reached out to me asking if I knew anyone looking for a boarding barn. She has a small, private facility and was looking for a gelding to fit into her turnout situation. After a lot of back-and-forth I started to become pretty optimistic that it would be a good fit for Mort. So, I moved Mort on Valentine's Day and he's been so happy ever since.

Mort and his new bff, Milo

He immediately got along with his new turnout buddy and I think he's really happy to have a friend again. He gets to go out in a big pasture with him every other day--rotating with a gravel dry lot and shed. Even though the dry lot is small, because it's gravel he still gets to wander around and play if he'd like. I've only been able to ride him three times since our move (darn weather), but he's been calm and well-behaved in spite of that. He's getting a lot more hay and an alf-mix so I don't have to supplement him with alf cubes anymore. I think we're both really happy with the move. The only drawback is that I'm back to driving 35-40 minutes each way, but I still wish I had moved him months ago. The things we do for our horse's happiness and well-being.

An Excerpt

I haven't been posting our rides lately because I've been focusing on the same things day-in and day-out. There isn't anything super exciting or new and I'm certain it would get boring reading about what are essentially the same rides time after time. I still write about every ride, so here is one from our ride last night. 

Some background first:  He's been doing amazingly since our show at the beginning of the month. The weather forced us to have a few days off and walk-only rides which lead to a pretty bad ride Sunday where he was both lazy and energetic.

Another cold night under the lights for us. I need to just settle in and get used to it, but riding in the dark and cold just isn't as fun for anyone.

Mort started off fairly well. He had a forward walk and I was mentally trying to trust him on a loose rein. I did some bending with just the inside rein since we struggled with bending left the last ride. He did decently. I picked him up and we did some more walking on contact with lots of changes of direction. He wanted to be a bit behind the hand but we found some nice moments where I'd let him down to stretch.

I moved on to trot. He was more forward than he had been on Sunday (thank goodness). But he was pretty tense (probably partially from Sunday being such a fight). I 100% admit that I don't trust him on the buckle when it's dark and cold as he's a good bit spookier, but I did leave his face alone. After a few big figure eights of being wildly off-balance and falling on the inside shoulder I decided to try to do the inside rein bending that I did at the walk. I was OK but nothing wonderful. We could do it on the rail, but when I moved him off of it we fell apart a bit. To the right his head would fly into the air and to the left his butt would come to the inside and he'd fall on his inside shoulder.

I was getting frustrated--a feeling that should never come into contact with horses. I changed directions. I tried to hold a following contact. I tried circles. I tried squares. Eventually I tried cantering and (not surprisingly) had the same issue. I just COULD NOT get him to connect to the outside rein while tracking left. I did some squares in the canter. I went around like a chicken with its head cut off for a bit (at least that's how it felt). Eventually I got a couple of circles of canter where I had a consistent and soft feel of his mouth in my right hand and he was not leaning on my left leg. We stopped cantering (and I didn't canter again in the ride).

I tried some more trotting. It wasn't great at first but eventually it did start to work out. I know that part of us doing terribly tracking left is my fault. Everyone is a little crooked and I'm no exception (and neither is Mort). Since it's harder to get him to turn off of my seat I squeeze/lean/hold/will him with every fiber of my being and that obviously only makes things worse. Then I get frustrated and ride even worse.

Finally he was trotting really nicely. He was forward and reaching down. We could change directions without majorly loosing balance. I could go straight and then ask him to bend and turn. We did trot/walk/trot transitions where he was calm and forward. I played with this fun trot for ten minutes or so then called it quits and did our normal walking at the end.

I know some of tracking left are my issues. I know some are his issues. I know some are training issues. I know some are resistance issues because of previous frustration issues. I need to remember to think straight, then outside aids, then inside aids. Turning aids, then straighten aids, then turning aids because it makes me not just squeeze and hold and it helps him to separate what I actually want. Start with big, sweeping turns where I focus on his outside shoulder then throw in some smaller ones as we warm up more. Forward and down is more important because adding bend and moving off of my leg is in there when he's relaxed and listening.

The good news is that the nice trot work is coming more and more often. I'm blaming the snow and time off on Sunday's ride and the beginning of last night's. His work tracking right is getting so much better and more consistent; I just half-halt with the outside rein and touch him with the inside leg and he holds himself where I want for a good amount of time before needing another reminder. He's getting more relaxed both ways and in the transitions. Him being relaxed and happy while pushing from behind and using his topline is a blast to ride. I think I'm having more fun with him now than I ever have.